Day 14 - 10 Jun 11

Good morning,

Day off and lots to do to get ready for tomorrow but I am glad to be busy.  It helps me not to be lonely.  My biggest problem is I don't know how to relax. I feel that I am being lazy if I decide to sleep in or not clean the house.  I decided I am burned out on housework.  I found a solution to this.  I hired my youngest daughter Amanda to clean for my dad and I.  She is someone I can trust and depend on.  She needs some extra money to help her out this summer.  She works for the Warren Co Park and Recs but due to her summer college schedule they aren't giving her very many hours.  It is a win win for both of us. I hope it doesn't sound bad that I don't like to clean.  I think the biggest problem I have is that it isn't necessarily that I don't like to clean I think it is because it isn't my house.  That may sound bad and I am sorry.  I just never thought I would end back her at my parents house once I moved out and got married in 1980.  I am grateful that they took my 2 youngest and me in 3 years ago.  I see alot of family members having to live together to make ends meet.  I think it is great.  I don't like when I want to run away from here.  My parents have been good to me and  I am thankful that I had them to fall back on.  When Henry and I got married we both thought it was forver.  Nothing last forever and we both made our share of mistakes.  Who hasn't.  Name one person who has not done something that later regreted I will bow down to them. 

One thing I know is that I am so glad that Henry's health is better.  No we can never get back together. We are good friends and that is all I would ever want.  I know me. If we would get back together I would try to mother him again.  I don't want that. I want a relationship that I can be a girlfriend and maybe eventually a wife but I don't want to be a mother. 

Trust is something I am working on.  I have had my kindness taken advantage off.  I have learned the hard way and now I have walls built up around me and feel that everyone is out to take advantage of me.  I give to charities but will not give to a man again.  I do believe in 50-50  but when you find yourself  paying more then half then that is when it is time to get out.  People tell me that there is someone out there for me. It is hard to hear this from people that have love in their life.  I don't mind hearing it from people like me that are single.  I know people mean well but they aren't helping me when they do this.  I don't like being single but I will hold my head up.  Do the best that I can do everyday that I wake up.  Realize that life isn't always fair and it is going to take someone special to capture my heart.  I have learned the lines of guys that are only after making themselves happy.  No bites yet on Plenty of Fish. I just wish i knew what my competition is.  I may have to redo my profile.  I will work on that but going to just enjoy me and learn to love me.    I really don't want to do a paid dating site but may do again but only after I know that Kevin and Amanda's financial aid this year is covered. 

Quote of the day "Change your thoughts and you change your world." -- Norman Vincent Peale

John Mayer "Waiting on the World to Change" this was my first ringtone.  I miss having it.

Have a great day.

Linda